I Don’t Want to Go: Wednesday in the Word

“I don’t want to go.” For Doctor Who fans, those five little words hold an extraordinary amount of meaning and emotion, and David Tennant delivered them flawlessly, breaking the hearts of an entire fandom.

As I stared at the cake waiting for decoration, considered the unknown rental car and unfamiliar roads I would travel, and made a list of all the projects I was behind on, those same iconic words weren’t so moving. They were more like a petulant toddler’s whine.

But everything in my DNA pushes me. If I’ve agreed to be somewhere or do something, I follow through.

Plans for this particular writer’s retreat were made long before I was hopelessly behind on my current book. And, I might add, long before the deadline of the youth camp I direct became a blip on my calendar. I’d agreed to head up the surprise party and present a couple devotions before I knew my son’s car trouble would mean having to get a rental car to even go on the trip.

It was the day before the trip, I was tired. I was cranky. And I DIDN’T WANT TO GO. (Insert foot stomping for emphasis here). My pesky DNA refused to let me back out. There’s no way I could even consider it with people counting on me. So, I packed the car, and the next morning I started the drive with a prayer for an uneventful drive to the destination.

While God delivered me without incident to my hotel, I can’t say my car time was uneventful. No, I didn’t have any near misses on the road or tires going flat. There was a bit of rain, but even that wasn’t an issue. What took place on the drive had nothing to do with the car or the road and everything to do with me.

Before I left familiar roads, I paired my phone to the car’s radio and chose my playlist. Contemporary Christian and Contemporary Praise music filled the car. For four hours, I sang along with the worshipful words. Even during the stressful forty-five minutes of driving on roads with five lanes that become three lanes only to become five lanes again and leave drivers wondering how they moved from the third lane to the fourth without changing lanes, I sang along.  Honestly, it helped me stay focused on the road instead of my rising anxiety.

It didn’t take reaching that stressful portion of the road three hours away for the trip to become eventful. Less than an hour passed before I realized something big took place. As I joined my voice to the ones coming through the speakers, my heart and mind focused more on God and less on me.

Rather than seeing the retreat as one more task, my heart began recognize the opportunity ahead of me. Nothing had changed in the circumstances, yet everything had changed in me. With this new attitude, the retreat became a time of encouragement and fun. I came away with greater focus and passion for the story I still have to write. On that eventful drive, He shifted my focus from me to Him. And the new attitude allowed Him to accomplish His will in me through the retreat.

I had to leave the retreat a bit early. I packed the car and said my goodbyes, praising God for His work in my spirit that allowed me to receive the blessings He offered through the weekend’s events. Walking out to the rental car that would deliver me safely home, I considered the encouragement, friendship, and fun I’d experienced. And one thought entered my mind. I don’t want to go.

“Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.” Philippians 4:8

Has a time praise and worship ever changed your attitude about things? Where do you go or what do you turn to in order to reset your attitudes?